First ObamaCare Disorder Identified

Today, the American Psychiatric Association recognized a new mental disorder which afflicts subscribers of subsidized health insurance policies as mandated by the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, aka “ObamaCare.” The disorder, commonly known as PPACAD (Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act Disorder) or simply “OD” (ObamaCare Disorder), is a precursor to and some cases a trigger of other more severe disorders, including depressive and anxiety disorders, trauma and stress-related disorders, and some conduct and substance-related and addictive disorders.

“The existence of a classifiable mental disorder directly related to obtaining care for, among other issues, mental disorders, is a new development in the annals of care,” said Dr Jameson Timothea Hiott, spokesperson for the Association. “The surge in our case work nationwide coincides with the launch of ObamaCare, and anecdotal evidence is so strong that we have moved quickly both to formally identify PPACAD [PEE-pa-cad] as a treatable disorder and launch a nationwide preliminary study of its grip on participants in the new health insurance coverage offered under ObamaCare.”

Some estimates put the spread of PPACAD at 70-80% of all ObamaCare insureds, although many Medicare and Medicaid recipients may have correlative symptoms. “It’s simply too soon to know how widespread this disorder may have become,” said Dr Hiott.

The pharmaceutical industry, represented by a coalition of public relations Vice Presidents from many of the biggest drug makers, including Pfizer, Novartis, Sanofi, Roche, Merck and GlaxoSmithKline, released a statement indicating that many of their best-selling products are already in clinical trials for intervention with symptoms of PPACAD, which range from acute anxiety to severe depression, schizophrenic episodes, and elevated desire to overeat, drink heavily and, in some cases, suicidal ideation and loss of libido. “We’re confident that we can address these new symptomologies with our existing products,” the statement read in part, “and that the psychiatric industry will move quickly to prescribe responsible use of proper pharmacological treatment for the many people afflicted with this new disorder.”

In a related story, the Veterans Administration Healthcare System and Department of Defense have launched an emergency study of a PPACAD-related symptomology that may be related to high coincidence of suicide and elevated susceptibility to post-traumatic stress disorder among Veterans and service members.

At press time, officials of the Health and Human Services agency and the White House were too high to be available for comment.